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You know, farts come out of your ass and they make a fucking trumpet sound. [, 2009] Even after 9/11, during the darkest moment of our recent history, the President told us, “Go shopping.” That’s how we were told to uphold American values; go out and fucking buy more shit. [, 2008] When you first get married, you have a relationship that’s so important to you, and you’re working on it together. And you look at your kid and you go, “Holy shit, this is my child. You’re a stranger.” [, 2007] I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways.